Now, I like to keep this space on the internet as professional as possible. Beauty, style and whatever else inspires me - yes, but get me talking about anything too personal and it all starts to get a bit uncomfortable. Sure, I've taken you along with me to the odd lunch date or two, will always feel obliged to share whenever a particularly mouthwatering desert/cake/burger (or all of the above) makes it's way onto my plate and even let you see me swanning around the house with wet hair and no make up while having the odd moan about life last time Vlogmas rolled around, but usually that's about as personal as it gets.
Regular readers of I Covet Thee may have noticed a slight lack of, well.. anything in these parts over the last few months. I could put this down to an obscenely busy schedule, holidays getting in the way or maybe even blame the heatwave we're having at the moment, but in reality I just haven't been putting as much into I Covet Thee as I used to and I think it's time to address the situation and stop avoiding my laptop.
The truth is - and this may even be the first time I've actually admitted it to myself, that I feel completely overwhelmed in this ever expanding online community. These days there is so much incredible talent, hard work and commitment going into blogging and I feel like everyone else is doing better than me despite the fact that I know it's not a competition! I used to wake up on my day's off and whip out the camera before I'd even thought about eating breakfast, but now I find myself in a constant state of worry that nothing's going to go my way, which all too frequently leads to extreme levels of procrastination (did I mention I've nearly finished the entire A Song of Ice and Fire series?) when really, its all in my head.
I'd never call myself a perfectionist but its definitely the minor details that get on my nerves. The white balance being off in a video, things being unfocused, sentences not making sense, overexposure, all sorts of technical difficulties that in reality no one but bloggers and videographers themselves probably ever notice. But it bugs me beyond belief, sometimes enough to discard what was probably a perfectly good post or video, wasting an entire days work and leaving nothing to show for the effort I put in, because to me average just isn't going to cut it.
In reality, this is absolutely ridiculous. I get to do what I love as a job and share it with thousands of the most lovely, brilliant and considerate people from all over the world - you! There will always be someone else doing what you do and doing it better, but that doesn't mean that what you accomplish yourself matters any less. I should probably get that tattooed on my forehead as a constant reminder. Just know that I'll never give up on this little space of the internet. Blogging has become my life, my passion and my obsession! For now, I just hope that you haven't given up on me.